Christian character: Anger, conflict, responsibility, accountability

 

Greetings in Jesus’ Name!

Continuing our thoughts on Christian character, we consider anger, conflict, responsibility, accountability. In sharp detail, that would take us months! What follows is just an overview to get us thinking about these things; the breadth and depth of it will come in the full chapters now in prep, one of which will be on marriage and family.

Anger and conflict:

Gen 4:9 Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is Abel your brother?’ He said, ‘I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?’

Proverbs 11:28 a dishonest man spreads strife; a whisperer separates close friends.            15:18 a hot-tempered man stirs up conflict but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

Matt 18:15ff If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Eph 4:26-27 do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Anger offers three responses, and the two most common choices are bad, causing either external harm to others, or internal harm to the self; part of the variety of responses that human beings are capable of. The challenge anger brings can be surmounted, but thus far we have not been very successful despite technological connectivity!  We need to raise a generation that can do this. We all get angry at times, and we all have the option to tame that anger and convert it into something productive within the context of a relationship or an issue. Such is the 3^rd choice

Think on it. We get angry. Someone or something causes the response. But ‘see what you made me do’ doesn’t fix anything other than demonstrate our lack of control. What can we do? The 1st distinction to make is that between issue and person. The perpetrator is responsible for the action or word, sure. But our first response must be to take the action and show it for what it is. If we are correct and tactful, we get to be light-bringers. If we stay silent or are wrong, we have taken a wrong turn, and not much good will come of it. Things stay dark, ambiguous, confused. We must choose and navigate our way. And when we opt to show a thing for what it is we must do so gently and with genuine care, never from a superior or better attitude. This is how light takes on darkness and defeats it. We must confront the doer of the wicked deed, whatever, and say how could you? It is not so much a judgement call as much as a response of honesty and integrity that requests self-examination and self-awareness on the part of the other. Whether it works can often depend on the relationship that pertains!  In plain language, because the thing is wrong, it is harmful, and they must resolve it because they caused it. How to get them to see how it feels from the other person’s view? This is the moral courage that all of us are capable of. .

Hence the value of working with anger. Not an easy task, but if we work at it, we can overcome it. It is almost always an incremental process of learning.

And then it will not become or grow into conflict, where two persons or 2 parties or more get angry and decide that there is no other way to go other then to attack each other. Or the one is more peaceable than the other and the first one thinks I can win this by force of will. There is some truth in this. In the face of evil, kindness and humility become accommodation to cruelty. Instead, there must be a will to resist such evil in whatever form is needed. And so we have had bad wars and just wars. But both bring loss of life and irreparable harm. Not a good answer. We have diplomats and representatives everywhere for everyone, but they do not practice diplomacy as much as they could. Most of the time they do as they’re told.  

In the end, perhaps the family is the one true microcosm of the world, and when we shift our notions and traditions and create alternatives what have we really done? Unless we move with caution and care, we create division. What is right never changes as in what does no harm, but culture and context are always on the move. So we must have the courage to forge new pathways that allow for human happiness. This can quickly and easily lead to sub-distinctions. We get in-between options, and most of them, unless they have the support and participation of all the folk in an area, create partisanship. Groups within groups, as with church divisions, for centuries.

In the family we are called to do our initial work – that of growing up ourselves and then helping our children grow well. This K & I have done, and our sons are gentle but strong. They do no harm nor will they accept harm at the hands of anyone. Most of our world, whether we like it or not, is still at a lex talionis level i.e. an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. We have talked much of grace in church, but we have not been able to make it a social strength in society because we have not practiced it as social holiness!  We have talked Jesus, but have not stayed linked to him, nor consistently demonstrated him, and so have been unable to manifest much of the grace that he wishes us to have! We talk of how salvation is free, and grace is free. And I have gotten used to listening to talk about it and not seeing its accompanying actions, all of my life. But it has become tiresome. These days my attitude has become either show me or get out of my face and leave me alone to continue my journey of seeking to experience and manifest the Kingdom in all of its fullness, for that is what the Lord our God calls us to. I have neither the tie nor the desire for talk. There has been too much for too long. It is the last lesson. Once you reach it, you begin to truly move upward and onward, in thought, word, and deed. And it is reachable. It is all a matter of will. Our will, knit with that of the Lord. Nothing else. So we are called to discover this truth for ourselves, in the here and now.

On to responsibility and accountability. Psychiatric and psychological views talk therapy, while fundamental religious views talk prayer, humility and giving generously to church. Leaving all of that grandiosity aside, let’s just take the most blatant historical example of wrong in the human species - how women are treated by men, for the most part.

Start with Genesis. Remember that the 1^st eleven chapters of the Bible are myth, legend, and a confession of faith, not necessarily a witness of reality  – no one was there when God created stuff and brought it into existence. So we must be careful with how we interpret and understand it. But the story says, there was this apple, and the woman ate of it, and gave it to the man, and so they sinned. And Adam says – hey, the chick you gave to be with me, she gave it to me. I didn’t start/know/do anything. And so Eve becomes responsible for Adam’s sin. And then we are told that Eve and all women are  punished with painful and risky childbirth forever and ever. Sure. It’s biblical, right? God said so. So ‘Eve’ gets the short end of the stick on 2 counts.

Then Abraham is called and answers the call to be a blessing to a great many. He begins his journey. Wanders into a King’s domain, looks at his wife and says something like if the King asks, you’re my sister. And if he wants you, just go with it. If he knows you’re married, he might just decide to get rid of me. So please, you’re my sister. I guess he really didn’t trust God much yet, did he? Nah, the initial call pulled him out but as we see in our history of human behavior, initial commitments get forgotten after a while and other stuff kicks in. So Abraham is quite willing to make a sacrifice of his wife.

One more - Read Genesis 38:1-26; The Levirate tradition is clear. Does Judah follow it? He begins to but changes his mind! Result? Tamar, his daughter in law, is ignored!  But this is not acceptable to Tamar, and she plans  a way out, even though risky. It is all she can think of. She knows Judah’s character and his habits.  She disguises herself as a prostitute and waits along the travel route where prostitutes wait.  True enough, her father-in-law comes along and requests her services! But he has nothing to seal the bargain. So he offers tokens, exchangeable later for payment. But when he sends his servant to redeem them , both prostitute and tokens are gone! Soon enough, Judah is told that Tamar has been sleeping around and is pregnant.  Interrogated before Judah, Tamar produces the tokens of the man who slept with her! Judah recognizes them and is confronted by his guilt. He finally redeems Tamar.  Hard fight for a little equality.

When you get down to it, the entire Bible carries a ‘male first’ perspective with it. Sure, that’s how humanity grew in patriarchal societies. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Half of Proverbs Ch. 30 is dedicated to good wives. Nothing more. So much done, so much endured, so little said. We need to keep growing. This is not how God intended it at all, but much more how we thought we heard it and then practiced and recorded it as such. Patriarchal society has treated women as 2^nd class citizens forever and it needs to change. The miserable results continue to be all around us, and until they change, half of God’s blessing is unavailable to us. And so men struggle, unable to overcome the temptations of wealth, sex, power. What God calls us to do is to correct and balance it. Those men who do so, find the blessing that other men are unable to. And we can do this now. The human species, male and female, are made in the spiritual image of God. Both are equal, no more, no less.

Equality and equity are not too far behind. How exactly did the rich become the rich? And how do they continue to be the rich? The answers to such questions will tell us everything we need to know to come to terms with how things might be changed for the better. We need peaceable revolution, just about everywhere. Good change has been too slow in coming. Once again, for the sake of our children. Time to stop singing about ‘there’s a place for us….somewhere’.  Or a place in the sun. This is it, we are it. We need to take the responsibility to require accountability of leadership everywhere.

And responsibility and stewardship - these are always about the individual duty that God requires of all of us.

1.We begin with the self – I, me, myself. 1 Cor 6:19 says ‘ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Ghost, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own!’ (also see Rom 8:9; 1 Cor 3:16; 2 Cor 6:16) Note that when scripture speaks of ‘body’ it also includes ‘mind’ and ‘spirit’.  All three need to be held in synchronous relationship with the Holy Spirit! This is the meaning of having the ‘mind’ which was in Christ Jesus. So we must ask,

a. Is my body in synch with the Holy Spirit? Do I treat my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit- as  special and holy? Consider how we use and take care of our bodies. The body, like an engine, needs to be well maintained. Parts need to be inspected, assessed, and can even be replaced these days.  You are owner and Supervisor. But you have help. Developed economies have health systems to support their workers. If this support is insufficient, our health fails  - and productivity fails.

And misuse? For starters, we choke intake valves! bad fuel! Tobacco, alcohol, drugs, (clinical and recreational), fatty food…take all the skin off chicken parts before you fry them and heat them up – see how much oil there is! Side-effects of medication, overuse of antibiotics. We need to know. Educational systems can teach students about nutrition. Parents can customize the specifics. Economic development can create new perspectives on health. But still, we ust educate ourselves about good nutrition! The resources are available.

b. Is my mind in synch with the Holy Spirit? Remember Matt 5:28 …whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery (imagined having sex with her) in his heart (mind)…it’s your thought life! And it’s not just about sex. Wealth, power, anger, revenge - who knows? No one can see into the mind of another, but God does. It’s ok. We’re not perfect. But know your weaknesses and work on them. That’s part of growing spiritually. The mind has a self-deceptive habit. We tell ourselves we’re doing fine. Some will even claim interaction with God…but how to tell the real from the imaginary? Look at the actual long-term result.  Only time will show a thing for what it is. 

c. Lastly – is my  spirit in synch with the Holy Spirit? This is a dynamic element of being. How is this achieved? Through our everyday behavior in relation to other people! That’s it! Grace is free and priceless. But grace is relational! Having received grace, we must then manifest grace in our relational behavior – how we relate to others.  To speak humbly of grace is not enough, for that must be accompanied by demonstrated graceful character that is a blessing to all. Good checks to keep an eye on are our daily kindness to those we don’t know; our control of difficult situations; our control of our emotions, so that no person or thing has power over me to make me happy or sad – I am in control of myself. Not easy, but doable. Depends on our level of interdependence with the Almighty in Jesus. Emotional control is not of the mind, but of the spirit. And so we must ask, am I consistently at peace within myself?  This is what the Lord called the peace that passes all understanding…it cannot be described, but it can be experienced…

We have these aspects of the stewardship of the self in body, mind and spirit. We must keep them together and in continuing relationship with the Holy Spirit. When such synchronicity becomes functional and ongoing, the Spirit becomes an indwelling reality, and we get to see and share in how God is truly working in and around us! We become co-workers with God.

Finally, our geo-political stewardship of earth, as in Genesis Chapters One and Two. God gives dominion, and it is royal. Not a rule that controls, exploits, abuses. But leadership that is tender, nurturing, supportive. That promotes growth. That warning was given to Israel in the time of Samuel. Understand then, the reality of what historical and current political and economic systems have done and are doing to our earth.  It is sad. It is the sinfulness of humankind.  And our children will pay the price. Current philosophies are archaic, inadequate and unrealistic. The systems they generate continue to fuel actions that are ignorant and unfeasible.  World leaders are unable to create peace but simplistically and selfishly cite national interests as the reason for this. And our children will pay the price. Read up on demographic transition created by economic development. As a country’s economic status shifts from developing to developed, its total fertility rates drop correspondingly… political leadership does not know this? read up on environmental stewardship and conservation and what this requires. Consider, even, what religious practices are old and outdated. They may seem comforting, but comfort is not enough to build a future. So our children will pay the price.

GOD IS NOT JUST GOD OF THE PAST, BUT ALSO OF THE FUTURE. Time to look forward and rewrite the script. But who has a vision for a new world? Who, from amongst our children, will be up to the task?  Ask the Lord, that God may call and send those who are up to the real task, and that all of us are involved in some way, shape, or form in their preparation. John Adams once said that public virtue cannot exist in a nation without private virtue, and public virtue is the only foundation of republics. Stuff worth hanging onto.

Look after yourselves, brothers and sisters, for no one will look after you. But for every brave step we take, we have a heavenly Father who protects us from falling and hurting ourselves! A blessed family Thanksgiving to all! G.